While I was pulling my hair out in the Reading Borough Council Offices today, trying to convince some dimwit to do something for his wages, like , you know, think, I commented that the Council was even more devoid of talent than the English football team.

I take that back, and apologise unreservedly to the Reading Borough Council.

This Wednesday sees the conclusion of England’s Euro 2008 qualification quest. It will also be the conclusion of Russia’s. In what can only be described as a tragic-off: Russia vs. England. So which country is the more tragic?

Last Saturday, the stage was set, with Russia playing Israel and what they had to know was a marvelous chance to put past failures behind them. Italy is the home of tragedy, but in Opera, not football. For an outsider, watching Russia was like watching a masterpiece performance at the Teatro San Carlo, only this time the stage was the turf of the Ramat Gan Stadium in Tel Aviv, the frescoes replaced by a sea of light blue and white, though I doubt if Guus Hiddink saw things that way. When the Israel-Russia score was 1-1, I predicted that Russia would prove to be masters of tragedy. Confirmation came when they hit the post in the dying stages of the game, only to see Israel score at the last gasp. Russia, with so much tragic history, was looking good to become tragi-champions (tragions?) of Europe.

But what of England? The country that invented the game and apart from one moment of glory in 1966, has experienced so much pain and so little joy? Who has failed to finish better than 4th in any other World Cup, and who has not qualified or got past the 1st round in 8 European Championships out of the last 11? Who might be the only footballing country worse at penalties than the Dutch. For a fan of football tragedy, the prospect of this Wednesday’s game is mouth watering. Their performance against Austria on the weekend only raised the chances of yet more tragedy to come. What makes England so captivating is the press, one minute proclaiming their team world beaters, the next decrying their management, lack of talent, lack of discipline, or the latest object of blame: the number of foreigners in the Premier League. The last would bring a smile if there weren’t so many “experts” talking such drivel constantly on TV. I mean, English football was so fantastic back in the 80s when there was less foreign influence, wasn’t it?

What England lacks is having players in other leagues, a point that people were making years ago. Staying at home certainly doesn’t seem to help. Maybe David Beckam playing overseas is a good thing for English football. Maybe others should follow his example. All aboard for the MLS!

One thing is clear: Wednesday night will be one for the tragedy lovers. With both sides having such pedigree, this is the real contest, folks: The play off to crown the 2008 European Tragions.